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The Where and the How for the HolidaysDear Friends,As we are getting closer and closer to the upcoming holiday season it is time to stop and take stock of where we are and what we want. What does that mean? As SHEs we have a tendency to bury our heads in the sand and not really address what we want for the holidays. We have ideas, lists and plans but typically we follow the party line that we are expected to follow for where and what we will be doing for the holidays. For many years my family has always traveled for the holidays. It was the four of us packing up the car, first a six hour, then three hour, then another three hours worth of driving,living out of suitcases, hotel rooms, the sleeper sofas of dear friends and in general no fun. Yet because I felt it was was was"expected" of us, I went along with it. I made the very best of the holiday season that I could for my children, having said that , I have to acknowledge that I did not feel the holiday spirit or feel joyous. These trips were emotionally and physically draining, they were not fun for any of us. One year I bit the bullet and sat down with my husband and told him that I did not want to travel for the holidays. I explained that we have very few holidays left with our own children still living in the house with us and that I wanted us to spend them together. I went on to say that I was more than willing to schedule another time during the year to go and visit family members but that I was not going to do it anymore in November and December. It was a conversation that was very quiet and thought out. It was not a yelling match or a competition over who was going to win. It was simply me taking the time to finally voice what it was that I really wanted for our own family for the holidays. My husband was more than receptive and agreed that we would stay home and plan a family trip for later the next year. I had never voiced what I really wanted before, I had just gone along with what other family members expected of us. While my particular situation is about long distance traveling there is also the issue of local time splitting as well. Living in an area with relatives all around you can make things sticky as well. Aunt Sarah wants you over for brunch and obviously there can be the issue of the dueling in-laws. Where to go and when to be there, lions and tigers and bears oh my!! It is quite possible that a pattern has been set over many years that you are not happy with but have gone along with it because it was easier. I guess I have to ask easier for who? If you are the one that is constantly disappointed then I would not say it was easier for you. It may be easier on a momentary basis because you don't want to deal with actually having what could be a difficult conversation. Yet, allowing the years to go by and not doing what you would really prefer doing for the holidays is not necessarily easy either. The biggest issue is to make sure that you and your immediate family try to agree on what it is that you all want to do for the holidays. When I say that, I mean the family members that are living under your roof with you. Collectively agreeing on where and how you want to spend your holiday season is the key to opening the door towards a peaceful and joyous holiday season. Please know that sometimes these are not easy conversations and in reality they can be just plain difficult. It is hard to voice an opinion that may be unpopular or what you think may be unpopular. We may not always get what we want but voicing what you want is the start to compromise. We all have these visions in our heads of the "perfect" holiday experience. The bottom line is that there is no perfect experience there is only the one in which you participate in creating. That does not just mean the presents and the food, it means the love and the emotions that are put into it. Do not put off any longer the conversations with your loved ones of where and how to spend your holiday season. Love, Kelly [Home] [Join FlyLady] [Contact Us] [About FlyLady] [Privacy Statement] [Terms & Conditions] FlyLady.net "This is FlyLady's List that has grown by leaps and bounds..." Copyright 2001 - 2008 FlyLady and Company, Inc. 
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